Progress, What Progress?

Hmm, so much for starting step two. It hasn't happened yet and am not sure when it will. It seems like whenever I think I'm ready to start something new, other stuff gets in the way. I'm learning to admit that, though I want to start or work on something specific, it's so easy for me to get overwhelmed and thus, not do much of anything. And this is one of those times that life just interferes and gets in the way.

Even step 1 hasn't been going so well. I've had other health issues going on, somewhat related to the partial hospitalization program that I had been in, that's caused me to slow down and go back to the starting point again.

My appetite has only been so-so lately which can be a good thing in some ways but in other ways, it's not because I know for a fact that I'm not getting in all of the nutritional things I need. And I haven't been using any kind of time table as to fixing meals and eating. Instead, I just eat something when I'm hungry enough and take the time to fix something. Such is life, eh?

Right now I feel like I'm in some kind of zone, just writing for the sake of catching up here. And I don't think I'm saying much in a cohesive way, so I guess I'll just stop here. When the brain fog goes away and I read this again, I'm sure I'll find stuff to edit out or delete, but for now I'll keep it as is...

Adding Step Two: Journaling

There are a number of different books that the author, Dr Kathleen DesMaisons has written, the one that I currently own is the 2008 edition of "Potatoes Not Prozac" [as mentioned early in this blog; also see the author's website listed on the sidebar to get a lot of her basic premises].

The program strongly urges us to do one step at a time and stick with that step until it's a habit before moving on to the next step [7 steps total, people sometimes spends months or more on any given one before being successful enough to move on].   

Well, I know I do have a long way to go before I feel comfortable doing the four parts to step one. However, I do think I'm ready to add the next one, which is doing a food journal. This is something that's more than just listing everything that we stick in our mouths; to learn the patterns of how sugar as well as other food types affects us, we need to include how we're feeling when we eat as well as after the meals, too.  

I've gone to Weight Watchers numerous times and have never been able to keep a food list that they strongly encourage...  And I'm not sure how well I'll stick with this journal once I get started with it. But at least now I understand the stuff about tracking what we eat and how our bodies respond--and that in time, I hope to see more positive patterns.  Just the awareness I had with eating more protein each day while in the PHP makes me want to at least TRY this writing bit for awhile and see what happens.  Since I'm aware of at least some of the emotions and responses now, that's what makes me think that perhaps starting the writing now will help me out more in the long run than if I hold off until I have this breakfast thing down pat.

I also want/need to include in the journal any kind of exercise I'm doing; I'm not consistent with the work outs yet but still, I do know that as I do get better with it, it'll help.

Since I'm great at saying I'll start something but not always so good at following up, I do hope that those of you that know and see me on a somewhat regular basis, will ask me how I'm doing with each new step.  A part of me does have some doubts about adding too much too soon--like doing the breakfast thing, working out, writing, plus all of my follow up health care and such, I have a tendency to get overwhelmed and then drop it all.  Maybe by writing [here and in a journal] and seeing positive results will keep me motivated.

Getting More Focused Again

Finally, I've been discharged from the PHP [Partial Hospitalization Program] this past week. It was a pretty intense few weeks, that's for sure... And its taking me awhile to unwind from it and let go of some of the stress and tension that I was carrying with me throughout the past month.  It's time to get back into the swing of my 'normal' day to day stuff so then I can more effectively deal with not only the healthier eating but to learn how to deal with all of the stressers that led me into the PHP to begin with.

In the food program, I'm still working on step one--doing the breakfast thing.  I'm definitely not consistent with eating within an hour of getting up, that's for sure. But I've done a LOT better on including protein with my meals [more on that, perhaps, in another post in the near future]. Still not getting in what's recommended but I really CAN feel the difference of when I do include protein vs those meals and/or days where I'm doing the easier sugar thing instead.

When I was in the PHP, we got lunch for free which made the healthy eating so easy. I wish it was that easy all of the time... :-)   Most days, they sent over a tray with various kinds of deli meats, cheese, lettuce, tomatoes, bread [including whole wheat], plus soup as well as various kinds of pre-made salads.  Various drinks and a few other things were available, too [juice, milk, carnation instant breakfast, yogurt, fruit, etc].  So on those days where I did have breakfast before arriving at the hospital and a good lunch, I certainly felt a huge difference from what's in the normal eating routine for me.

So at least I'm at the stage now where the whole awareness thing is creeping into my brain. I'm still not consistently making good choices but I guess there's a reason why they said that for this program to work, it's going to take TIME [something that I'm not good with; I want it ALL now!].

Health Update

Especially since I've gotten some comments about the sugar sensitivity stuff here, a posting elsewhere, and in mail, I do want to acknowledge them and let y'all know that I'll be responding in more detail sometime soon.

In my previous posting, I mentioned some help I'm getting with a health condition.  I've been in the partial hospitalization program since 8/15. The days have been draining but at least I get to come home and sleep in my own bed. And usually those of us in the partial program get the weekends off, but a few of us had to go in an extra day due to med changes.  

Hopefully I'll get discharged sometime this week but then, I know I need to be there for however long it takes...  

Distracted with other Health Issues

I haven't been too consistent with the breakfast or the exercise routines this week; my brain has been too focused on other issues right now [which is frequently the case when I'm stressed].  I don't know how this coming week will be, either, since I need to deal with these other issues at hand.

This past Friday I started with an outpatient treatment program for some of my health issues. I'm not sure yet how long I'll be going [maybe a week or two; longer if needed]. I do know that the doctor is going to have me get some labwork done, an EKG, and a CAT scan. It's been awhile since I've had any blood work done and even longer since I've had an EKG.  I've never had a CAT scan done so it should be  interesting to see how that goes and what the results are.

Thursday's 'intake' process and the long day on Friday really drained me; I bet this upcoming week will, too. I'm usually pretty wiped out after my doctor appointments as well as with the treatments I get in-between the dr appts so I'm assuming being at the hospital most of the day [morning through late afternoon, sometimes later] will be even be moreso of a drain. 

Some day, perhaps there will be a time when this healthier eating will be so ingrained in me that I won't even have to think about if I'm eating healthier or not [though it hasn't happened over the long haul yet].  But right now I need to focus more on getting through the next week and I'm hoping that in the long run, it'll help me with other issues as well.

[Hopefully this post makes SOME sense; it's after 3 am right now and I really need to try again to get some sleep; the alarm clock will be going off in about 3 hours...]

My History of Stress and Weight Gain

I wasn't always overweight. When I was a kid, I'd say that I was pretty average. I enjoyed doing stuff outside-running around playing [there were lots of kids in my neighborhood], bike-riding, walking, etc... 

The weight starting creeping up during 5th-7th grades. In 5th grade, we switched schools which initially I didn't want to do--and during much of those 3 years, I was picked on/bulleyed by several other girls. So by the time I moved on to the HS [8th-12th grades in one building], I had gained about 30 pounds.

I was sick a lot with stomach issues during 8th grade and ended up losing all the weight I had gained--so at least there was something good about missing a lot of school!  After moving to Ann Arbor in 9th grade, I was on the jv basketball team for about 1 1/2 seasons, on the track team for 3 [though I was as slow as a turtle; there was only one race where I didn't come in last], and I took PE just about every semester.  This was the best shape I'd ever been in my entire life.

Going on to college, there was the 'freshman 15' -weight gain from the dorm food. Then it really starting piling on after sophomore year when I got  married--the whole dating scene and marriage to the X was definitely a bad and stressful time for me.  I continued to gain with having 3 orthopedic surgeries over a few years, thus, not working out.

More stress in the late 90s when I was having some major health issues and in 2000, I was diagnosed with a couple chronic health conditions; many of the meds I'm now taking has weight gain as a side effect. A few years after my diagnoses, I ended up on disability; thus, cutting down even more of the exercise I was getting at work. The depression that followed certainly didn't help; the weight gain continued. 

In the spring of '06, I moved back to MI after spending 15 years in NC so I could help care for my mother two-three days a week.  It was hard for me to leave NC, though I did want to help with my Mom. But seeing her health deteriorate was also stressful.  By the fall that year, I was the heaviest I've ever been.  

Over the years starting in the later elementary grades,  I've been on just about every diet plan and in the later years, I attempted several exercise programs. If/when I lost weight, it all came back on, plus some. Pretty common, I know.

So I'm back on the bandwagon, trying once again to feel better physically as well as mentally.  

Back in June, I joined the local rec department and have been going with a couple friends;  I'll post more about that sometime in the next couple days. I also plan on posting progress with the workouts, food plan, and weight loss.  Even if it doesn't help anyone else, I do need to do this for myself to look back and see what's working, what isn't, changes I've tried, how I'm feeling about it all, etc.

Soon, probably after my exercise post, these postings *should* be shorter in length; I know I won't keep posting these longer articles on days I'm dragging or extra busy. And no one else will want to follow along if every post was this long!

Thanks for being so patient with me [and I need to learn to be patient with myself, that's for sure].

Breakfast Update

How I'm doing so far:

     I'm not consistent with this breakfast thing yet; I'm not much of breakfast eater, especially not within an hour of getting up. And when I do have breakfast, it often didn't include protein [which, according to my reading, protein is something that I don't eat enough of throughout the whole day].

     There have been a few days when I've skipped eating in the morning, for no reason except for the fact that I couldn't get myself moving that particular morning. I have a chronic sleep problem even with using my bi-pap machine for sleep apnea and with taking a prescription medication for another condition that I have-which supposedly has a side affect of drowsiness. But many nights, I still wake up and can't get back to sleep-so instead of allowing myself to get too hyped up about it, I get up for an hour or more before going back to bed. [Like right now, I've been up since about 2:30 AM.]  Thus, there are lots of mornings where I'm really dragging.  Though sometimes I do have a snack while I'm up [that I keep here in my computer room] and now I try to have something that includes some protein. [example: trail mix that I make myself, peanut butter or cheese and crackers, etc]

     I can see why the book says that most people often take a month or longer to make each step a habit. And she suggests working on each step til its a habit before moving on to the next one--so I know I'm not alone in having this take some time. Me, I'm usually an all-or-nothing sort of person: if I can't do it right from the start, I won't keep trying, saying to myself 'why even bother?'.  So, learning to be patient with myself is something I'm NOT good at [in all areas, not just with eating habits].

     Ok, I need to keep plugging away with this much before adding the last part of this breakfast thing [include a complex carb in the morning].  I hope posting here will help keep me accountable!